He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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