pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
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