Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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