Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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