does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize