pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
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I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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