turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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