After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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