I want to make a zoo with you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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