Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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