wanna go halves on a baby?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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