:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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