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I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
love makes seman taste better
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
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