You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Panties = found
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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