Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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