Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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