I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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