she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think i have two assholes
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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