we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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