I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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