Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
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after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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