first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize