my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sober January is a disaster.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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