matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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