Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
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I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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