I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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