im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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