apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
tell me about the eggs
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