i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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