I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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