We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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