fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize