He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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