dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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