coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize