why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That reminds me...we need to get swords
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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