At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
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I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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