I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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