so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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