Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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