Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
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I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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