No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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