dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize