we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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