Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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