she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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