epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize