I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize