Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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