So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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